Agile Roles

Scrum Master
A nobody. The two-day training course to “master” this role is too long. The scrum master has to stick post-it notes to the wall. These can be printed directly from software, but many scrum masters prefer the sleeves-rolled-up attitude of the hand-written sticky. Although frequently illegible, the details on such hand-written notes can always be found on some unspecified sharepoint page. The sole purpose of the notes is to draw attention to the scrum master’s existence.

Software Project Lead (SPL)
A jumped-up title for a jumped-up team lead. There used to be specialised project managers but the word “leader” sounds so much more impressive to impressionable souls too young to know anything at all about the ultimate horrors of the leadership principle. Thus SPLs can be hired at a fraction of the price of real project managers.

Product Owner
Usually a semi-skilled business analyst (BA) with little to no knowlegge of technology or business. The POs role is Hitlerean and he or she will lay down the law and make up rules as they see fit. It is impossible to argue with a PO, so don’t bother.

Stakeholder
Anybody who can in any way influence the project.

Technical experts
There is no place for a technical expert on an agile team. The point of agile methods is to eliminate expensive technical experts and replace them with even more expensive technical consultants, or better yet, just consultants.

Independent tester
There is no need for independent testing of Agile software, another cost saving.