bug qualification

Bug Qualification

We got this from a contributor.

Unqualified Bug Qualification

We’ve got a right scrummaster here, who thinks he knows it all. I’ve been a contract test engineer for over twenty years, but the recent fad of Agile invalidates all that.

What I am mostly doing is getting issue reports from UAT, writing test cases to cover them, then executing the tests first informally, then formally. The test reports need to go to the FDA, so they require a fair bit of attention to detail. It’s called Verification & Validation, which is one of the oldest and best-known methodologies in software engineering.

But that’s not good enough for our scrummaster who insists that the only way to do things is his way. Because he’s the scrummaster and he knows best.

Today, this he was standing over my desk looking down at me from above my monitors, yelling for the entire open-plan office to hear, “YOUR JOB IS TO DO BUG QUALIFICATION!”.

What’s the point of trying to talk to such a person? I could have said to him something along the lines of the following: “Bug qualification? You haven’t got a clue what you are shouting about have you? Bug qualification is a term that you just made up. Go look it up on your precious google, if you can bear to turn yourself away from YouTube for a moment that is. You’ll find that Bug Qualification is mostly referenced by a computer game in which you have to squash cartoon insects. If you put a little bit of work into it, you’ll find one IT reference. An online defect reporting tool that one company has put up for its users, in which it terms “bug qualification” as the process of deciding if something is or is not a bug. It has nothing whatsoever to do with software testing.

Instead I went out for a smoke and ignored him. His boss should be telling him this, not I.

Editor's Note 01-07-2015: The veracity of this tester's claims are likely to be confirmed by this page very quickly getting to the top, or near the top, of the search list.
Editor's Note 07-07-2015: After just one week and with zero backlinks, this page now ranks number 5 in the google search for "bug qualification". Proving that, as far as software testing is concerned, there is no such thing.

This scrummaster likes to think of himself as a “leader”. He is a typical example of the linkedin low-hanging fruit that think a fake resume, fake certificates, and a posh shirt stuffed full of bullshit is all you need. It goes without saying that he has both scrum-master and ISTQB certification, which his lack of knowledge and appalling social skills demonstrate to be worthless. Certifying nothing more than that he has parents wealthy enough to have purchased them for him, so that he could take somebody else’s job that he cannot even do.

On linkedin he parades himself as a career progressor, steadily rising up the chain. Truth? He has had two short-term contract jobs, this is his second. Think of Lieutenant Gorman in Aliens. He’s your man. We call him Mr Service Pack though, for reasons that should be obvious.

Our SPL is just as bad. Another contractor with one or two jobs under his belt who now thinks he’s Fortune Magazine’s next Billionaire of the Year. He says he always imagined himself as a”U-Boat Captain”, which seems ideal given that he is currently in charge of a software project that has all the characteristics of a sinking ship.

He too has a string of worthless agile certificates as long as your arm, yet not only does he hire a useless prick as his scrum-master, but makes him team leader as well. Like some crackpot old dictator, conferring meaningless titles onto the yes-men around him in order to purchase their loyalty.

Our scrum-master, whenever he gets frustrated, runs to this SPL like it was his mummy to hide behind her skirts. “SPL, SPL, the tester called me a wanker again. S’not fair“. It’s pathetic to see a grown man behave this way, and even more pathetic when you learn that another grown man hired him.

On the upside, the inexperience of those who embrace the Agile prinicples invariably leads to them tossing money at the project when they inevitably fall behind. The consequence for a contract tester is that although you won’t be allowed to test and you’ll be working for a prima-donna who can’t even tie his own shoelaces, you will be getting the highest rates of pay you ever had. For doing nothing.

Which is precisely what the agile principles are all about.

The image used on this page is taken from the game Ghost Recon Phantoms, which is what the term Bug Qualification refers to. Ghost Recon Phantoms

Health Care Ethics
Software Bugs That Kill
Criminal Negligence
Product Liability Claims Involving Medical Devices

Food for thought. En guete.