Memo: The Agile Office

Memorandum: Use of Pomodoros
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: All Agile Teams
Date: Day 230

All employees have been issued with pomodoro timers and will receive coaching on their use over the next few days. From today onwards the company-wide Pomodoro Worksession Policy (document number: PWP/2014/230) will be effective and the use of pomodoro timers compulsory as directed by your line-managers.


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Memorandum: Authorised Use of Pomodoros
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: All Agile Teams
Date: Day 238

Synchronised pomodoros are no longer permitted. Management have determined that the half-hourly stampede to the rest-rooms has led to overcrowding and queues. Our external consultants have determined that the average pomodoro break, mandated at “no more than five minutes”, is taking an average of twelve minutes. Staff are now required to stagger pomodoros in order to properly load-balance access to the limited comfort facilities.

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Memorandum: Mode restrictions on mobile devices in designated pomodoro workzones (DPZ)
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: All Agile Teams
Date: Day 245

While the company code of conduct does not forbid limited use of personal mobile devices, management have determined that audible ring tones are no longer permitted. Certain ringtones have been mistaken for pomodoro alarms causing an overall drop in productivity. Before entering the DPZ all Designated Mobile Devices (DMDs) must be switched to vibrate, silent, or flight mode. No other modes will be tolerated and disciplinary action, including but not limited to, confiscation of the offending device will be taken against those who fail to comply.

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Memorandum: Company issued-mobiles added to list of proscribed DMDs.
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: Project Leaders
Date: Day 246

The previous memorandum also applies to company-issued devices.

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Memorandum: DMD List update
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: All Agile Teams
Date: Day 247

The restrictions on ringtones do not apply to employees that use their handset as a pomodoro timer. Employees who wish to reclaim confiscated devices may ask for them at reception.

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Memorandum: Pomodoro schedule
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: Project Leaders
Date: Day 249

Employees are no longer permitted to choose their own pomodoro schedules. Complaints about the constant ringing of unsynchronised pomodoro timers have been received and management have determined that all project leaders are henceforth to comply with the new company-wide policy (Document no: FSA/249/b) defining authorised pomodoro schedules. Each SPL is to submit a Scheduled Pomodoro Plan (SPP) to his or her supervisor no later than close of business day 250.

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Memorandum: New policy AKW: Authorised Kanban Wallspace
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: Scrum-masters
Date: Day 251

All scrum-masters are required to be trained on the use of AKW. It is no longer permitted to place information radiators in front of glass. The purpose of transparant wallspace is to let light in and our external consultants have determined that the reduction of natural light due to blockage by scrum-boards results in increased lighting costs.

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Memorandum: AKW Update – Please read, sign, and return
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: Scrum-masters
Date: Day 252

All post-it notes, posters, swim-lanes, and other opaque materials must be removed from windows by the end of this week. Our external cleaning engineers will be in at the weekend and will dispose of any blocking issues impeding authorized company lighting lanes.

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Memorandum: Discount available
From: Ophelia Front-Bottom , on behalf of CTO
To: All Agile Teams
Date: Day 255

A discount has been negoiated with our Agile Supplies partner and hard-of-hearing employees may now receive a 10% cashback on the purchase of Light-Emitting Pomodoros (LEPs). Registered deaf employeees may order their LEP by calling x24587.

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Memorandum: Re: Discount available
From: Jardon, Hugh
To: Ophelia Front-Bottom , All Agile Teams
Date: Day 256

> A discount has been negoiated with our Agile Supplies partner and hard-of-hearing employees
> may now receive a 10% cashback on the purchase of limit-emitting pomodoros (LEPs). Registered
> deaf employeees may order their LEP by calling x24587.

I tried calling but there was nobody there.

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Memorandum: Re: Re: Discount available
From: Smith, David Georgina
To: Jardon, Hugh , Ophelia Front-Bottom , All Agile Teams
Date: Day 256

>> A discount has been negoiated with our Agile Supplies partner and hard-of-hearing employees
>> may now receive a 10% cashback on the purchase of limit-emitting pomodoros (LEPs). Registered
>> deaf employeees may order their LEP by calling x24587.
>
> I tried calling but there was nobody there

Same for me. I called and just got silence.

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Memorandum: RE: Re: Re: Discount available
From: Jones, John-jack
To: Smith, David Georgina , Jardon, Hugh , Ophelia Front-Bottom , All Agile Teams
Date: Day 257

> Same for me. I called and just got silence.

Did you hear it ring at the other end?

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Memorandum: RE: Re: Re: Discount available
From: Berk, Shirehunt
To: Jones, John-jack , Smith, David Georgina , Jardon, Hugh , Ophelia Front-Bottom , All Agile Teams
Date: Day 257

> > Same for me. I called and just got silence.
>
> Did you hear it ring at the other end?

Will you all stop hitting Reply-All. It wastes everybody’s time and the companys’ money when you send duplicate mails to everybody.

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Memorandum: RE: Re: Re: Discount available
From: Berk, Shirehunt
To: Berk, Shirehunt , Jones, John-jack , Smith, David Georgina , Jardon, Hugh , Ophelia Front-Bottom , All Agile Teams
Date: Day 257

>> A discount has been negoiated with our Agile Supplies partner and hard-of-hearing employees
>> may now receive a 10% cashback on the purchase of limit-emitting pomodoros (LEPs). Registered
>> deaf employeees may order their LEP by calling x24587.
>
> I tried calling but there was nobody there.

Will you all stop hitting Reply-All. It wastes everybody’s time and the companies money when you send duplicate mails to everybody.

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Memorandum: RE: Re: Re: Discount available
From: Smith, David Georgina
To: Jones, John-jack , Smith, David Georgina , Jardon, Hugh , Ophelia Front-Bottom , All Agile Teams
Date: Day 259

>> Same for me. I called and just got silence.
>
> Did you hear it ring at the other end?

I didn’t hear anything, not even a dialtone.

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Memorandum: RE: Re: Re: Discount available
From: Berk, Shirehunt
To: Smith, David Georgina , Jones, John-jack , Smith, David Georgina , Jardon, Hugh , Ophelia Front-Bottom , All Agile Teams
Date: Day 260

>>> Same for me. I called and just got silence.
>>
>> Did you hear it ring at the other end?
>
> I didn’t hear anything, not even a dialtone.

Will you all stop hitting Reply-All. It wastes everybody’s time and the company’s money when you send duplicate mails to everybody.