More Interview Questions Answered

Self-identified Job Search Coach Chris Morrow tweeted a link to an article about interview questions in the bullshit publication “Business Insider” appealing to the authority of abusive and domineering firms such as Google, Microsoft and others.

How to answer 11 fiendishly hard interview questions posed by Google, Microsoft, and Dropbox

Having had the privilege of turning down a job offer from Google (whose recruiters misled as to who they were recruiting for) the Bastard Jobseeker From Hell considers himself qualified to provide his own answers to these questions, in his own style.

1) Google: ‘How many basketballs can you fit in this room?’
Answer: One. Any more than one ball on the court would be against the rules of the game, and we all have to play by the rules. Don’t we? Or did you mean physically fit into the room? If so you need to refine your requirements. Do you mean inflated? Or as delivered? With packaging or without?

2) Dropbox: You work on the 60th floor of 100 story building. You walk into your office and find a bomb sitting on your desk. It reads 90 seconds and is counting down. What do you do?
Answer: Friends and colleagues of mine were in the World Trade Center when it was hit. I find your question entirely inappropriate. Ask me one that’s relevant to the job.

3) Google: ‘How many people using Facebook in San Francisco at 2:30pm on a Friday?’
Answer: Around 90% of the number who work in offices and are bored out of their skulls by Friday and can’t wait for the weekend when they get a couple of days off from having to pretend they love their jobs.

4) Dropbox: ‘If you have a triangle with an ant at each of the vertices and they each walk either left or right, what is the probability of the ants never running into each other?’
Answer: Zero. Ants are social creatures and if you try to separate them they will find each other.

5) Microsoft: ‘You are on a game show…..’
Answer: Oh fuck off. Asking questions designed to fool the kind of idiot that wants to go on a TV game show. Is it any wonder that your products are such low quality if this is how you hire?

6) Dropbox: ‘If you have 1000 emails, how would you decide in which order to answer them, so as to give the best service?’
Answer: I wouldn’t have to. If I have a thousand unread emails that I need to answer as part of my job I can safely assume one of them is informing me that I’ve been fired for my inefficiency and laziness, hence I will have no need to prioritize.

7) Google: ‘Pretend 1% of the population has a disease. You have a test that determines if you have that disease, but it’s only 80% accurate and 20% of the time you get a false positive. Your test comes back positive. How likely is it you have the disease?’
Answer: If 1% of the population has it then the chance that you or I have it is also 1%, irrespective of what any unreliable test says. Besides, having worked on QC for medical device software, and being well-aware of the rubber-stamp insider favouritism of the FDA, I can assure you that I would not trust any test result derived or presented by software.

8) Microsoft: ‘You are on a desert island, and all you have is a pair of dice. You know that a plane flies over the island on the 30th day of the month. Using the dice, how can you make a calendar that always tells you the day of the month?’
Answer: I’d use Roman Numerals scratched into a tree and play with the dice to wile away the time. Not that it matters, because a ‘plane flying over at 30,000ft isn’t going to notice my sorry ass is it? On the other hand, why don’t you give me one reason why I would want to leave my island? To come and sit in one of your cubicles dreaming of the two-weeks holiday there that you will allow me to take once a year?

9) …

There were only 8 questions, not 11 as the headline said. But that’s “Business Insider” for you. Offering interview tips to people who cannot even count up to 10.

Our Advice

Before applying for any corporate job, ask yourself why you want to. What is your real motivation? It’s because you need the money but if you tell the interviewer that you will not get the job. Hence, you are required to lie to them, and to lie convincingly, but more than that you are required to lie to yourself.