Ashley Madison Analytics and Charts

Here are some charts we’ve made to visualize some of the more bizarre aspects of the data on human behaviour mined from the dump.

Thus far we have concluded analytics on first-date dining, religious affiliation, and drug use. We also have some preliminary findings on sin, emotional state, and confessions. We begin in the appropriate place for a dating web-site, on the first date.

First-Date Dining, Demystifing the Dish

We’ve analysed Ashley Madison member’s food preferences. As a working basis we assume that dining will form the initial, if not the primary, focus of any putative first-date. We then hypothesize that analysis of the first date dish preference data can be leveraged to minimize the chances that there will ever be a need for a second.

We compared the foodstuffs that male and female Ashley Madison members have expressed a preference for in their profile captions (high preference), or stated that they are open to (strong preference). From these weighted values we calculate a new notch probability for each meal.

With this knowledge we can develop a priority menu of female food desires to focus our attention on. These will be the dishes with which we have the least male competition and thus an elevated chance of securing dates.

The vertical bars depict male-female ratios per food preference in terms of number of members. This shows the level of competition per potential date.

It may appear at first glance that the gender preference for chocolate is about even, but note that the “Open To” axis is drawn to a logarithmic scale. There are in fact almost three times as many chocolate-profferring males as there are receptive females, hence chocolate’s low notch probability of 27%.

The green line shows the probability of a successful outcome for each dish.

Surprisingly, English food proves to be the best choice for notching, with women who like baked beans offering a whoppping 71% notch probability. If you can find one that is – the comparative rarity of English bean-eaters being expressed in the low-height of the bars. The other English favourite, Fish & Chips, veritably trails in second place, nevertheless still coming in with a respectable 46% game-on probability.

For Notch Count Kings outside of England or the Spanish Mediterraean coastline, brunch (42%), Risotto (41%), or if she’s an 8 or 9 Le Cordon Bleu (43%), are the best choices. In spite of its popularity in England, curry-eating girls offer the worst notch-counts and with a probability factor of 11%, only slightly above the 9% Halal cut-off, can be condisered chaste.

Having established these baseline probabilities it becomes possible to refine the data. This is of particular importance when first-dates are being arranged sight-unseen. Below we see the comparison after the data has been screened with a filter for undesirables.

notch count kings bbw weighted

Risotto (41%) remains unchanged while other items, particularly baked beans and cheeseburgers, deviate greatly from the base values. Note the effect this has on dish prioritization. Brunch (25%) is now ruled out, and vegetarians (42%) should be considered instead, failing that it’s Sushi (32%).

Tantric-Bubble Effect on Member Religious Preferences

Users were not asked to give a religious preference, but we may still infer their beliefs by analyzing the text they’ve written. Only a small sample of members are in the analysis as most members were not on the web-site to discuss theology.

The 3.4% of members we’ve classified as barbarians is based on their descriptions of what they do, or are open to doing, to themselves and each other. Rather than aspiring to ascribe any labels implying any higher intellectual or organizational qualities we just accept them for what they are.

We included anarchy as a religion because one of the properties of anarchy is that it may appear or not appear on any list.


Tantra had to be omitted from the analysis as it is the overwhelmingly most popular of all religions discussed on Ashley Madison. Even in logarithmic scale adding Tantra to the analysis essentially flat-lines all other belief-systems. So we gave up, omitted it.

Over 99.99% of Ashley Madison members never had a word to say about non-tantric religions, so the chart above is taken from only that small sample that consider their (non-tantric) religious beliefs to be important enough to be announced on their profile pages.

It cannot be extrapolated over the population with reasonable confidence.

This is an example of what we call the Madison-Ashley Effect whereby the abnormal activities of illicit dating act as a multiplier on local Tantra fields expontentially expanding them through a process of Tantric-Inflation until any talk of alternative belief systems is barely discernible from background radiation.

Once inflated Tantric Bubbles can remain stable indefinately so long as they are not popped by an outside force.

Drug Use and Corrupt Cops

A satisfyingly large proportion of members were comfortable enough with the website’s promise of privacy and anonymity to discuss their drug habits online. We’re not going to name any of them, but you can lay money police forces around the world are already combing the database, to hell with the search warrants.

drug use among ashley madison users

The Seven Preferred Sins

Member concern about sin was gauged, with the results proving somewhat predictable as to which of the sins Ashley’s members were focused on committing. Wrath was rare, but will come later – in its most furious form of a woman scorned.

7 sins of ashley madison

Emotions Expressed as Keywords

Predictably they aren’t really a very emotional lot and the majority of members don’t know dick about love, but they love dick.

gauging emotion on ashley madison


Many members now and in the future will be making up excuses, mostly lame, for why their name is “on the list“. There’s plenty of websites and hastags on to them already, and we discuss in our front-page article Dumping Ashley how it doesn’t mean shit if your name is on the list anyway.

We looked instead at the kind of things that members are willing to confess to – when they think they are ‘confessing’ to one another.

confessions of ashley madison

Coming soon….

Length of prison sentances imposed (serving and former prisoners included)
Best food to list as being “Open To” that will increase the chance of getting a date
The Notch-Count Kings

The Strange Inner-World of Bidercorp
Ashley Madison In Numbers
User Profile Captions
Ashley Madison Dump
Latest Updates
Technical Analysis


Here’s the kind of thing you’ll get from the mass media.

Most Popular Boy’s Names
ashleymadison top five names


These charts are based on our analysis of keywords that users have chosen to describe themselves to others in their profiles. This raises the important question of whether we can ever trust a single word that somebody who signs up for a cheater’s web service says again? A question which we’re sure many folk are similarly asking themselves. Or soon will be.

For the purposes of our analysis, however, this does not trouble us. We are creating graphical snap-shot representations of where the users’, or rather some users, heads were at.

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