Dumping Ashley

The Hacked Ashley Madison Files

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Turning Joe Public Against Mass Surveillance

The kind of exposure of potentially humiliating and disastrous intimate details seen in the Ashley Madison leaked data dump is about the only thing that will get the public to turn against mass surveillance. When they start seeing so much data about themselves and their distinctly human habits going online.

The gutter press is having a field-day naming and shaming as many B and C-list celebrities as they can find. Ignoring the fundamental issue of corporate malfeasance, the mass media diligently holds power to account by outing one sex-obsessed serial sister-molestor of corpulent republican stock, and a youtuber.

ashley madison logo pronThe media will get around to outing paedo-politicians, war profiteers, bent bankers, and corrupt CEOs later. After they’ve cleaned-up youtube.

Meanwhile, in that mock serious tone the media adopts when they want us to pay attention, they are carefully warning us to stay away from the database. Threatening downloaders with arrest, pretending it can only be obtained from drug-dealers on the dark-net, that it might have a virus or god forbid the reporter’s own name within in it.

In spite of the dire warnings thousands of copies of the Pandora’s Box database are already in the field, more are being deployed to production database servers the world over as we write. More and more web-services and APIs are being built from the database every day, and it is likely to become one of the most analyzed in history.

Damage-control is no longer an option. At least not for the former data-owners whose data is now a de facto part of the public domain. But they will make nice case studies. In several academic fields ranging from data-science through operational security to corporate-responsibility.

Nobody will find themselves named and shamed at the skankworks.net. It is not our intention to name individuals. We believe that the dishonour of shame is something that belongs to the whole of humanity – look around you – not just the inflated numbers of jaded consumers looking for a bit on the side.

Christmas in September

The leak provides an economic boost, paradoxically. So it will be welcome on Wall St, if not on Main St. The company that owned the data may close down, but it won’t affect its parent company much. Long or short, doesn’t matter to traders so long as there’s a pot of unearned gold at the end.

For divorce lawyers it’s the return of the gold rush. Christmas in September is what they are saying in legal circles. Twitter and Facebook are swarming with divorce lawyers, mass-spamming links to “check your partner’s email address” websites all over the place. The competition amongst them is so fierce that Ashley Madison Discounts were being offered on the second day.

But most of these websites that are offering to “check your email address” do not check if the ‘isvalid‘ flag has been set. They are giving out many false positives (since as many as half of the 37 million user accounts may be fake or otherwise invalid).

They leave it to others to begin trying to clean up the mess made for so many innocents:

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

In the USA and other feminist states just the fact that the dude’s name was on the list will be sufficient grounds and he’s out on his ear. DNA testing kits should also see a boost in sales downstream once the paternity suits start kicking-in.

Looking further afield, houses will need to be remortgaged, or better yet from a financier’s perspective repossessed, and the demand for one-bedroom apartments will also rise. Social security payments to so-many cuckcolded single-mothers, on the other hand, can be witheld.

The media will be sure to assist with blaming the victims’ misfortune on themselves, accusing the abandoned women and the their fatherless children of being work-shy scroungers. The media are experts at that.

So it’s good news for lawyers, bankers, landlords, and the gutter press.

Legal Opinion

Joking aside, the presence of someone’s identity in the database is not grounds for divorce, as confirmed to us online by Capps, Cantwell, Capps & Byrd law firm in Tennessee. As they correctly point out though, it is grounds for suspicion .

There are many reasons why someone would create an account, of course. It is impossible to know how many accounts were created by people for no other reason than a natural curiostiy to see the kind of depths investors will stoop to in order to make profits. The Commodification of Lust being of particular interest for obvious reasons.

The 37,000,000 users, routinely referred to by the media and other websites as “cheating men”, simply do not exist. Over 15,000,000 – almost half – of the accounts were never validated and hold no more significance than receiving a spam email. But this hasn’t stopped the website’s owner’s from falsely reporting the number of “users” they have, so why should the media bother checking the facts?

As a matter of fact the number of users who had credit in their account at the time of that hack is less than 18,500. The chances of anybody whose email address is “on the list” actually having engaged in any impropriety are near zero.

Even if name, credit-card, and email address does positively identify a user, it still doesn’t mean they were playing away from home. Authorized transactions on the credit-card would be a little harder to explain, but given the micro-payments regime imposed on Ashley Madison’s male users who, once logged in, found they had to pay for almost every mouse-click and keypress, with a $19 surcharge on the malfunctioning “delete account” button, it does not follow that any kind of actionable meeting ever took place.

What it does imply is that people who are on the list either never visited the website or are schmucks that got ripped-off by it.

As always the overwhelming majority of victims here will be people who never actually did anything other than to have found themselves in a position, perhaps through no fault of their own, where they could be suspected. Or they were married to a suspect.

Fat Returns From The Commodification of Lust

Many, if not most, of those 18,000 active users will never have made an encounter. They spent their money trying to form a relationship with a software bot. Of those users who did get to meet a real flesh-and-blood woman, there is almost certainly a sizeable proportion who decided, on finally meeting her, that paying to have sex with an Ashley Madison BBW just simply isn’t worth risking a marriage for.

Let alone the average $50-a-pop cost.

Bitcoin Whores

Perhaps next time they’ll find themselves hoes who accept bitcoin? It really is discrete, accepted in more and more places, preferred by professional cheaters, and you can buy it online. Your wife will never know.

Satisfied Customer

We did find one satisfied customer. One who at this moment must be a very satisfied customer indeed. After becoming a member of Ashley Madison they made her sincerest wish come true. She must be so happy.

satisfied customer ashley madison

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Ashley Madison In Numbers
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The Strange Inner-World of Bidercorp
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Fat Returns

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