Ashley Madison Profile Captions

The ‘Profile Caption’ is a tweet-style one-liner that users enter to describe themselves. It would take a software bot tweeting user profiles once per second 1 year, 2 months, 8 days, 2 hours, and 24 minutes to tweet all of them.

Search Captions

Some users have entered telephone numbers and other personally identifying details into their captions that complicate analysis and preclude our bot from auto-posting samples at random. We’ll be manually adding interesting ones here as we find them instead.

Matching Pairs We play cupid and try to match up suitable couples
Most Satisfied Customer It is my sincerest wish that everyone who uses this website gets caught
Least Satisfied Customer Looking for Honest Man“.
Cockiest Man almost fresh out of prison got another 8 months“.
Lowest Self-Esteem Even hitler had a girlfriend
Unhappiest Man 4 inches“.
Unhappiest Woman j m ennuie avec mon mari en prison “.
Cook Spaghetti (M) I want to make spaghetti
Eat Spaghetti (F) I want spaghetti
Lowest Priority TBA
Most Annoying Girl Im like Osama Bin Laden, wanted by every man in America
Flashest Bore executive level job, drives a bmw, have a management job, professional level, have an mba
Highest Risk Woman my husband’s in prison, it’s not dangerous unless he finds out
Best Risk Manager I am a Gun Owner
Most Considerate Man Although I’d like to chat, I would also consider an intimate encounter with the right woman
Most Considerate Woman I need it
Least Believable Cop Laidback police officer
Most Believeable Cop Police Officer for night sticking
Most Obvious Bot Account *bleep* algorithm, identify V8.68a *bleep*

Copyright in the above comments belongs to the original authors 2002-2015, the long-suffering members of Ashley Madison who wrote them into their profiles. Apart from the final one which we made up and it belongs to us. We’re reproducing the others here uncredited (to protect the innocent) for illustrative purposes. They should not be taken as representing any real people. Yes, real people wrote them, but as we all know any Internet forum has a population of trolls among them, and we can only guess at the numbers of people who will ‘role-play’ on a dating site. The intent of our match-making is to add contextual colour in order that we might re-humanize the victims.

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