Hillary’s New Shoes

A DUBKAFile Exclusive – 20 October 2011

Fugitive leader of the Libyan Arab Jamahiriya, Muammar Muhammad Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi, was killed this morning in suspicious and contradictory circumstances. NATO – the Brussels-based military block currently engaged in a global struggle for domination of the planet – initially claimed that the death had been an accident. Both the Pentagon and NATO denied any involvement and jointly issued a characteristically rose-tinted and childishly simplistic version of events in which the death was portrayed as “a bus accident”. In this column we will hold our leaders to account by investigating their claims, from which we will arrive at a shocking conclusion.

The bus, a Green Line Routemaster, was allegedly carrying commuters direct from Benghazi to Sirte when, according to unnamed NATO sources, “[Gaddafi] ran out in front of it. The driver never had a chance to stop”. Although NATO have refused to name the bus driver we can identify him as none other than Mr Stanley Butler, who was in Libya as part of the Driver Exchange Program between the UK’s Luxton & District Bus Company and the Libyan State Transportation Service. Mr Butler was unavailable for comment.

According to a NATO official at the scene this morning, “[Gaddafi] was killed in a road accident while trying to catch a bus that, unknown to him, was traveling on a non-stop scheduled service to Sirte. He was run over and passed away at the scene. The bus driver is being treated for shock and fortunately no passengers were injured. NATO medics administered first aid but tragically were unable to save the late Libyan leader’s life. We extend our sincere and heartfelt condolences to his family and friends and our thoughts and prayers are with them”.

The bus accident story began to unravel shortly after NATO’s announcement when grainy cell-phone videos appeared on the Internet telling a very different story of the famous man’s end. According to White House officials “no other vehicles were involved”, but the videos show as many as sixty or seventy destroyed vehicles at the scene, including limousines, people-movers, SUVs, and other autos consistent with a Presidential motorcade, in addition to footage of a bearded Al Qaeda thug shoving a bayonet up the still-living leader’s ass. An Al Qaeda spokeswoman speaking from the group’s HQ at Benghazi courthouse confirmed the group’s involvement. According to the official, who cannot be named for operational security reasons, the Libyan leader was “tricked” into a truce and then attacked by an American UAV whose remote pilot was working closely with Al Qaeda forces on the ground. She closed her statement by telling reporters, “Damascus here we come”.

Evidence has emerged to support a white flag violation, according to DUBKAFile investigators, and it is believed that Mrs Clinton’s presence in the area earlier this morning was no coincidence. There is reason to believe she met with Gaddafi, and had promised him safe-passage out of the country, to be guaranteed under universally recognized “White Flag” protection. The deal was supposed to end US involvement in the disastrous NATO-initiated conflict that has killed tens of thousands of civilians and is threatening to spill out-of-control over Libya’s porous desert borders.

Mrs Clinton arrived in Tripoli yesterday morning, and after spending a couple of hours window shopping, traveled to Sirte on a visit described by a State Department official speaking on condition of anonymity, “to see the coast”. Was the purpose of her trip more sinister? Did the State Secretary make a secret pact with the fugitive Colonel?



Gadaffi and Sarkozy

Amongst the twisted blood-spattered wreckage of Gaddafi’s convoy, scorched papers have turned-up allegedly containing the signatures of both Hillary Clinton and Muammar Gaddafi. It was written in “fresh ink” said one official who has seen the pages. It is not known what was agreed in the document, as that part was burned, but the significance of the find suggests a face-to-face meeting between the two did in fact occur. Possibly just hours before Gaddafi’s torture and dismemberment.

The signatures can be verified. As head of state Gaddafi had been required to submit three specimen signatures to the United Nations, as are all world leaders, so that the treaties he signed could be upheld. UN Treaty Inspectors have so far refused to either comment or identify themselves, but are expected to verify Gaddafi’s distinctive monikor.

An official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that there is “no doubt” that the signature is genuine. “It was his, written in his characteristic ancestral Arabic which requires practiced calligraphy skill to master”. Another expert who has also examined the papers said “Hillary’s was smudged and she’d spelled it with a ‘K’ at first, then crossed it out and started again, and she pushed her pen through the page in the middle, and the last four letters are written in eyebrow pencil”, which has been confirmed as “typically hers” by media Clinton-watchers and professional Hillary pundits alike.

Hillary Clinton signature

The Secretary of State is aware that the only legally enforceable document that can be signed between combatants before the cessation of hostilities is a “truce, surrender, or ceasefire” and that her actions constitute a war crime (Customary International Humanitarian Law, Chapter 19, Rule 66, Section B and Protocal I Additional to the Geneva Conventions, Article 37, section a). She was trained in the Geneva Conventions after she took the Oath of Office. Secret agreements between the warring parties are strictly forbidden. The question is no longer did the US violate the rules of war-fighting, but why did they botch the job? Or did they?

White-Flag Violation

Evidence is also emerging across the Atlantic that the entire event, known only to a handful of senior White House and Pentagon officals as Operation Bayonet Thrust, was devised and directed by President Obama himself, who was watching on a live two-way video feed that gave the C-in-C the capability to micromanage the operation by issuing orders direct to the troops on the ground. A leadership-style that has come to characterize the Obama administration’s hands-on approach to military affairs.

Al-Qaeda Flag over Benghazi Courthouse

DUBKAFile has discovered that it was a plan put together in a hurry. NATO, under European leadership, had itself negotiated a peace deal with Gaddafi without consulting the Americans. Last Tuesday night NATO made a sensational secret bargain with Gaddafi. What was supposed to be a cake-walk war is crippling European economies and it’s only a matter of time before the public twig that their hardships are not “because of the Euro” after all.

The European NATO members were looking to declare victory and get out of Libya, evidently believing that this plan would be acceptable to Washington. Although aiming to present it as fait accompli in order to give Obama plausible deniability if anything went wrong, it was thought by European leaders that a perceived victory would be seen as having great value as propaganda in Obama’s imminent election campaign. An opinion poll taken in Europe last month revealed Obama’s lowest approval rating in Europe yet, with 87% of Europeans saying that if Obama’s name was on the ballot paper in 2012 they most likely could not vote for him.

The NATO deal gave Gaddafi 48 hours to get out of the country with “as much loot as he can carry and never come back”. The NSA had intercepted this information during routine surviellance of European heads of state. When Obama heard of it he was thuderstruck and decided, for the sake of the country and the constitution that he has sworn to uphold, that he had to show the Europeans who is in charge. He sent State (Clinton) over to negotiate a better deal with Gaddafi believed to involve offering him a hundred million dollars in cash and sparing the lives of his family.

Mission Accomplished

On the face of it Gaddafi would continue with the NATO escape plan and proceed under a white-flag to a rendez-vous at the port of Al-Alamein which the British have occupied since WWII. Under the modified Clinton plan he would be accompanied by the Secreatary of State and secretly met along the way by a US State Department stealth helicopter. From there he would be taken to a luxury hotel in Nairobi to freshen up, then flown first-class to a destination of his choice where a new identity and a boatload of cash would be waiting for him.

But Obama had other plans. He would kill them both. He’d put Gaddafi on permanent display on the Internet for his “Mission Accomplished” moment, and tweet messages from Clinton’s hacked twitter account claiming she’d retired from politics and withdrawn from public life.

New Shoes

Bomber Shoeshop

To ensure the deal was kept Hillary was ordered to secretly accompany Gaddafi to the desert rendez-vous. Obama had sent an SMS text message ordering her to “stay with the convoy until G is in the air. Stay by his side and do not let him out of your sight”. Given that the Secretary of State had failed to accomplish this even with her own husband, things inevitably began to go wrong. Hillary decided that Gaddafi could find his own way to the pick-up because she wanted to to go back to Tripoli and purchase that lovely pair of shoes she’d seen in a bombed-out shoe store.


Gaddafi’s convoy traveled without Clinton to the agreed rendezvous, but there was no helicopter waiting to pick anybody up. There was no hundred million dollars. But there was a drone, with the master drone pilot himself at the controls and thirsty for blood. With such broad experience of drone fighting Mr Obama knew he’d need boots on the ground as well. He arranged for jihadis to be lying in wait to administer the coup de grace and mop up.

The jihadis flew in from North Wazaristan on USAF transport planes yesterday in cooperation with Pakistan’s ISI. The team had been recruited for a “potential martyrdom mission”. Believing themselves to be on the way to Somalia to kill the American Ambassador and his corpulent wife, all US insignia was removed from the aircraft. To maintain the deception NATO air traffic control were told to clear an air corridor for “the Secretary of State of the United States and not to listen in on or track any planes that might fly through”.

The couple were to be ambushed, the jihadis were led to believe, on their way to the coast and would be traveling with guards. An IED would halt the convoy. The jihadis were to then locate the couple, send verification of their deaths by phone, and eliminate any witnesses. They were told they could plunder anything they wanted from the convoy and that they could enjoy themselves a bit first if all goes well. They would recognize the couple, it was said, because the ambassador “looks a bit like Gaddafi”, and his wife, “like a pig”.

Hillary Clinton, currently in hiding, tweeted DUBKAFile that she was “livid” at the betrayal and added, “the shoes are very comfortable but they pinch a bit around the instep”. She also confirmed, and this is, “strictly off-the-record” she said, that she is considering retiring from politics in order to concentrate on her marriage, get some more golf in, and, “lose a couple of pounds”.


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