iPhone 6 “Urinalysis” unvieled

Apple corporation announced plans for the new iPhone 6, set to replace the recently released albeit all-but-obsolete 5S, to require users to give a urine sample before logging on. “Having acquired user’s fingerprints along with the ability to watch their every move”, the ghost of Steve Jobs tapped, “we are concerned that some consumers may be up to no good while their iPhones are switched off. We now want to make sure they aren’t taking drugs by requiring them to give a clean sample of urine each time they login”.

“We are not taking the piss”, an Apple spokeswoman announced, “the feature is there to keep drug abusers off the networks and all samples will be returned through a specially designed iPipette patented by Apple Corp”. An unnamed security official added that drug abusers only go online to download copyright material and assist terrorists. “The Internet will be a safer place for children without them”, said another unnamed official.

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