Linkedin Bollocks

This image is currently doing the rounds (i.e. spamming) on linkedin. It is indicative of the kind of self-promotion one finds therein.

jpeg-formatted spam, doing the rounds on linkedin

In English there’s a word for that and it is bollocks.

For one, working hard for something we “don’t care about” (an unjustified presumptiveness) isn’t called “stress”, it’s called “professionalism”. We care, because they pay us to care and there is no need to get emotional about it. Not that the low-hanging fruit sucking up on linkedin would know anything about professionalism. Too many of linkedin’s so-called professionals have openly divulged their work email passwords to an unauthorized third party and uploaded their contacts – in flagrant violation of their employment contracts, never mind their contacts’ privacy or the law.

Who are they to suggest that working to live is haram?

Many of them have inherited their bullshit jobs by virtue of having rich parents, aunties, or uncles, and have convinced themselves that their second-class honours degrees from provincial universities endows them with intellect. All they really care about is their own egos, status, and position. All they’ll ever get truly passionate about is money, the latest consumer goods, and pro-sports on TV. Their best known method of getting on in the workplace isn’t about delivering high-quality finished goods on time, rather it’s all about tapping rich Uncle Bob to buy the same model motorcycle for them that the big boss just purchased, and working hard to make sure to park theirs right alongside his each day.

It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. And the taxpayer schmucks are always there to bail you out when it goes tits-up.

Wikipedia takes a more pragmatic psychological approach to the condition of stress, beginning it’s article, “In psychology, stress is a feeling of strain and pressure. Small amounts of stress may be desired, beneficial, and even healthy“, which kind of fucks up Matey’s employment-oriented denialism in a nutshell (or case more like, as Basil Fawlty might surely have quipped had he also had the misfortune to be linked in).

Lead By Leveraging Your Passion Matrix

What about the second part? Get your Bullshit Bingo cards out and cross-off “Passion”. It’s the word that’s the corporate flavour of the month, don’t you know? Mention how much you love your job, and do so in a passionate way, and who knows, you might avoid getting your name added to this month’s list of layoffs. Get passionate in the office about poverty or injustice and it’ll be like you’ve just bribed your way executive-style to the very top of the aforementioned list – and they’ll be glad to see you go. Your entire capacity to care belongs to your employer, you give a shit about anything else you’re fired.

To be fair, one has to consider that linkedin is an American website, promoting American values. In America they like to avoid the harsh realities of life and indulge themselves in “chasing dreams”. While there may indeed be some merit to this philosophy, in the Maslovian sense of self-actualisation, for the great mass of humanity such lofty goals are often put to one side due to the pressing necessities of such lower-lever distractions as hunger and homelessness. Not that the petite bourgeoisie of linkedin would know anything about those concepts either. Hungry? Homeless? No problem. Get a job! Start a business! Everybody has something they love, they’ll tell you, and all people have to do is work at their passion for a stress-free life of wealth and above all the increased opportunities to induldge in consumer spending that a good credit-rating can bring.

Those who fail in the American way of life only have themselves to blame and deserve to suffer – that’s why you constantly see crippled old ladies getting tasered by steroid-enhanced DHS thugs, Americans being thrown out of the homes they thought they owned their furniture and effects tossed along with themselves out on to the streets by armed Sheriff’s deputies over pawlty $10 liens. You know, losers.

What about the toilets?

Every workplace has toilets. It’s the law, and these toilets, like the opinions one finds on linkedin, all stink. Somebody has to clean them. Slimon here would have us believe that the world’s population includes a requisite percentage of people who love to clean toilets and are passionate about it. I don’t know what readers think, but I’d go out on a limb and suggest a few years latrine duty for Slimon might be in order. If nothing else, his time spent cleaning up other people’s shit would at least keep his off of our screens.

Leadership trainers. Influencers. Life coaches. Cockroaches. They cost us millions and contribute more hot air to global warming from what they say than a hundred coal-fired power-stations. Our one and only planet is being destroyed solely to keep these useless fuckers in synthetic luxury.

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Website Review: Linkedin

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