Non-Free Linux Distribution

Here at the skankworks we get a fair bit of work over the years to migrate organisations to using Linux instead of Microsoft Windows. We’ve been using Linux ourselves for over twenty years, but we still use some Windows PCs as well.

We don’t use Windows for anything important, but we acknowledge that it has some reasonable games support and putty.

One of the biggest resistance factors against Linux is that it is perceived as being “free”. This is only partially true. The Linux user still has to pay for hardware and the operational costs of running IT systems.

However, the “free” tag remains, and is a market off-putter. The argument, such that it is, goes, “If they give it away for free it can’t be any good“. And with that logic to guide you, there is no point in wasting any more of your valuable shopping time trying things out for yourself is there?

God forbid you might miss a bargain at the sales.

Blatant Rip-Off

Accordingly, the skankworks.net is offering a paid-for, non-supported, rip-off version of Linux for you to download and install for only $300. If you’re the kind of fool that can be induced to buy something because it’s “under $xxx”, we’ll do the math and offer you a full penny discount.

It’s yours for only $299.99!

You can have any version of Linux you like under our deal. Just tell us which one and we’ll upload the image onto our servers, put it behind a pay-wall for you, and charge you money to download it, thus avoiding the social and business stigma of you using “free stuff“.

We’ll also pre-install trackers and adware on to it for you, and open up security holes for the pleasure of the NSA and GCHQ – so it will be just like Windows.

If required, we can also send you a shrink-wraped cardboard box with convincingly real-looking corporate logos printed on it in a flashy colour scheme. Sexist customers may also request, at no extra charge, some pictues of large-breasted ladies in their underwear.

Support

You will also get access to a help-line, with a premium phone number that will allow you to spend hours listening to tinny mass-produced music over the telephone randomly interruped with recorded lies about how much your call is important to us but, alas, all of our non-existant customer service engineers are busy at the moment. Please hold the line.

To further enhance the paid-for experience, and ensure you get value for money, the skankworks.net will disable large parts of the functionality of whichever Linux distribution you choose to buy from us, seed the code with lots of bugs, and break the installation scripts.

If you require even more frustration, we can arrange, at extra cost, for your most private and personal data to be spilled all over the internet by our partners and affiliates(*).

(*) Our partners and affiliates include, but are not limited to, anybody we choose to do business with.

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