The Snake of the Nile

Jackson Longcock – Dateline Cairo, 6-Jul-2013

Adly Mansour, (left) new and temporary “Interim Head of State” in Egypt denies that his meteoric ascension to power came at the barrel of a gun saying, “it was not a coup“. To those of us who aspire to true freedom, within Egypt and beyond, those words sound too much like those uttered by the perpetrator of a night club baseball-bat attack denying it was violence because his weapon of choice wasn’t a pool cue. “it was not a cue“.

As Mansour’s hastily put together Wikipedia Bio suggests, the man is a freaking nobody with a background so opaque that even the prick’s religion is subject to doubt. Installing him as so-called “head of state (interim)” the military overlords of Egypt described him in Obamic terms of legal – if not quite constitutional – authority. As if to suggest he had char3iya (legitimacy). Which even if you repeat 75 times still doesn’t make it so.

They say he led the Supreme Constitutional (ha!) Court ever since Monday. An impressive forty-eight-hour length of service during a national shutdown in which this veteran presided over exactly how many cases we ask? Did he even turn up for work during the one and two-half days of his tenure? Or was he busy with the Generals and Druids plotting how to overthrow the state? Perhaps he was busy transferring his money to Switzerland, just in case Egyptian banks had to be shut down.

In his alleged capacity as chief justice, however, Egypt’s finest legal mind appears to have passed judgement in as many cases as votes he received at the ballot box. i.e. none at all. Think about it. The accused in a democratic court of law who was found guilty by the jury with a majority verdict of 11-1 got more votes than Mansour. Like Obama, Mansour appears to be a man that only collects job titles and awards, without having to do the work usually required to earn them.

The hashtag “#not_a_nobody” seems to have all the flavor and the same hollow ring as the one claiming his installment was “#not_a_coup“. But they, the leaders of the coup, have learned well my friends, knowing that sugarcoated words can fool even the most ardent self-proclaimed “liberal intellectual“.

48-Hour Rule

When one tries to inquire beyond the characteristic 48-hour time limit, imposed upon Egyptian politics by military decree, Mr Mansour’s background becomes a little murky. Apparently he was a judge during the Mubarak era, but we are yet to learn how many people he sentenced to death, sent for torture, or had raped. Let alone any human-rights-supporting case-law he may – or may not – have established.

The key question, “Who the fuck is he?“, remains largely unanswered.

Murky Background?

While we can be reasonably certain that the NSA know all about this man, his habits, the URLs he browses, the porn he’s downloaded, the size of his cock, the money he’s got stashed away in that private bank in Geneva, along with the names, phone numbers, and locations of all the whores, what can we the public really learn beyond the PR bullshit of the military-approved reporting?

On the Darknet they speak very differently of this man. In the underground little is known – or cared – for his alleged professional career, but the money, time, and effort elitist charlatans like Mansour put into gambling, drugs and whoring leaves it’s own indelible record on society.

Partying with his friends in the upper-echelons of the military and business-classes, rubbing shoulders with the Saudi and Wall Street elites, Mr Mansour’s “social network” is well known among the casinos, coke-dealers, and high-class pimps of the Middle East and Europe.

Indeed, is it not for nothing that the new Egyptian leader is being referred to in some circles as “The Snake of the Nile”?

"Mansour [...] has a ten-inch genitalia, colloquially referred to as 
'Snake of the Nile'" - Veronika Eschbacher, 4/7/2013
earlier today adly mansour's wikipedia page said "He allegedly has a 
ten-inch genitalia, colloquially referred to as the Snake of the Nile."
- orange juice, inc, 4/7/2013

New Foreign Policy

George Carlin MugshotAmerican foreign-policy guru George Carlin (right) once presented an argument that United States policy for the Middle East should be based on average penis length. Carlin argued that the greatest overseas threat to America was Arab leaders with bigger dicks than Americans. Since his paper was published several decades ago US policy has been firmly behind the support of dickless Middle Eastern leaders. A policy approved, welcomed, and – like so much of American foreign policy – signed-off in the Knesset.

Over the years the Pentagon has invested trillions of dollars in this strategy, and, on the face of it, Adly Mansour appears to be just about as dickless as they come. If the rumors of a magnificent 10″ endowment are true does this regime-change in Egypt represent an about turn for America’s Foreign Policy for MENA?

With the collapse of the Soviet Union and an African-American now in the White House“, said a US official speaking on conditions of anonymity, “we have closed the gap and no longer have to worry about foreign adversaries swinging bigger dicks than ours“. Elaborating on the policy pivot, she continued, “In President Obama’s calculus the world has changed since the terrorist attacks of Sept 11th, and it’s not their dicks we’re concerned about any more. It’s Arabs with balls that really frighten us now, and that’s why [Morsi] had to go“.

As Mr Fisk would say, that’s alright then.

Officially, of course, the USA had “nothing to do” with Egypt’s military-led regime-change, and in the Beltway it is being described as “pure coincidence” that the outcome of Egypt’s coup fell neatly into America’s foreign-policy aims.

Other Men with Big Dicks

Men With Big Dicks

Left to right, top to bottom: John Holmes, Omar Sharif, David Hasselhoff, Cheech Marin, Barak Obama, King Dong

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New You decide at the #not_a_coup poll.