There Is No Dark Side of the Moon

As a matter of fact, it’s all dark.

These lines are taken from UK rock combo the Pink Floyd, whose music we grew up with. They are spoken at the very end of the Dark Side of the Moon album as by way of conclusion. If you don’t know the album already you’re probably a millenial and thus not reading this article because it doesn’t have pictures and requires a comprehension of the written word beyond the capabilities of under-funded schools or hand-held devices to convey.

Social Media in the Seventies

In producing the album the group took to the streets with a microphone and tape recorder and asked non-random passers-by a series of questions, the spoken answers they received are interwoven into the fabric of the album. A primitive form of social media, one might say. We presume that the passers-by were non-random because there appears to have been a selection bias in favour of stoned hippies in effect, as you may ascertain for yourself by listening to them.

The, “it’s all dark“, comment was one such recorded by the band.

The reason we’re writing this article though isn’t to do an album review. We saw Roger Waters and Son perform the entirity of Dark Side of the Moon in its original form in Munich in 2001, but we’re not going to review that either. Suffice to say Snowy White’s opening chord on third guitar during the solo in Money was breathtaking.

The Lunatics Are on My TL

This article is being written because of Obama. He falsely, presumably having had it written for him, tweeted that a NASA photograph showing the far side of the moon against the back-drop of the Earth revealed “the dark side of the moon”. It was in fact lit. If it had been dark it wouldn’t have shown up in the photograph and there would have been no Presidential Tweet about it.

@Obama here’s a photo that cost billions to take and you can’t see shit in it

Not going to happen. Unless he was planning to bomb it, perhaps.

What was interesting in the photo is that it showed a view of the moon that only a handful of pioneering human beings have ever seen – the side that is never turned towards Earth. What we call The Far Side. Because it is far away. Not because it’s dark, because it isn’t. It spends half its time facing the Sun and has a day-night cycle just like we do.

When the photo was taken the Moon was between the Earth and the Sun, hence it’s far side was facing the full uninterrupted glare of Sol’s nucleosynthesizing blaze and was just about as well lit up as anything in the Solar System could possibly be outside of innocent civilians in the gun-sights of an Apache helicopter. If the photo had been timestamped in Moon Time it would have been Noon. All that would have been out would have been mad dogs and Englishmen. When sun-bathing on the far side of the Moon space-cadets are advised to apply factor two-million sun-block. Far Side Hipsters wear three sets of sunglasses otherwise they’d look just the same as everybody else.

That’s how bright it is.

The exact opposite of Obama’s description of it as being “dark”. Says the man who would need a type Ia supernova to acheive illumination. The picture was only taken by NASA on a Pentagon contract because the CIA thought there might be terrorist training camps and BUK missiles stationed there.

And you wonder why the Russians have to go in and clean up the mess Obama makes abroad?

Got to Keep the Loonies on the Path.

Thus we have many millenials who now have it in their heads that one side of the moon is permanantly in darkness because the President said so, and anybody who says otherwise is an Internet troll, a hater, and a racist. So we refer them to this page instead of arguing with them.

The phrase “Dark Side”, in the context of Floyd’s album is a recurrent theme in Water’s writing that persists through to the Final Cut and forms the central theme of his magnum opus The Wall. That his use of the phrase has had a major cultural impact requires no comment. It does not, however, refer to the passage or perception of electromagnetic radiation. Rather it refers, and we’ll keep this Presidential, to what Lincoln may have called, “the worster angels of our nature“, presuming the erstwhile President of yore to have had a command of grammar in the English Language on a par with his bungling tongue-tied modern-day counterparts who have to have it all written down for them.

I’ll See You On The Dark Side of the Moon

People, this was written rhetorically. How could he see you if it was dark? If you think these to be the words of a madman, you’d only have to look at the song title, Brain Damage, to see you were most probably right. You are not meant to take the advice of mad men literally – even if your President does. That’s what he is paid to do.

We’re not going to suggest that millenials set aside the handsets and go read some books, let alone try listening to some quality music for a change, because we know they can’t afford to. And what they will learn from books will never provide them with sufficient income to pay back the money they borrowed to buy them. Sad, but true.

We just want them to lay off this dark side of the Moon shit otherwise they will be telling us the Sun goes around a flat Earth next.

Meanwhile, here’s some Money.

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